It happened one dark and stormy night, the way these things so often do.
My parents went out to dinner and said “Your sister will be watching you.”
“What’s for supper, sis,” I asked, “What will you be feeding me?”
“You’re on your own, you little creep, I’m going to go and watch t.v.”
So there I was in the kitchen, looking for something good to eat.
I decided to make a waffle because they are a perfect dinner treat!
I cracked the eggs, I poured the oil,
I stirred until my arm was sore.
I checked the bowl for little lumps, and then I stirred some more.
Then I had a crazy thought: why stick to the same old thing?
I’d make THE ULTIMATE WAFFLE! I’d be a Waffle King!
First I added chocolate chips to make the waffle sweet.
Then I added bacon bits, ’cause it’s my favorite breakfast meat.
In went cheese! In went lettuce! In went peanut butter!
In went things I can’t remember, the kitchen filled with clutter.
In went cherries! In went pickles! I finally had to stop,
I poured the batter in and closed the waffle iron’s top.
What happened next was shocking! It really gave me quite a jolt!
With a thunder CRASH and a FLASH of light, my waffle was struck by a lightning bolt!
The waffle iron shook! The waffle iron spun!
I covered my ears and got ready to run!
And then I saw the weirdest thing that I’ve ever seen:
A strange little waffle, fresh and hot, popped out of the machine!
It’s hard to believe, but I’m not telling lies,
The weird waffle coughed and opened it’s eyes!
It had chocolate chip freckles and crusty gold skin,
and it’s syrupy mouth was starting to grin.
It’s smile grew wider and it jumped in the air
…then it threw peanut butter right into my hair!
It smeared the phone with jelly and honey.
It told me bad jokes and thought they were funny.
It kicked over the milk jug and broke all the eggs.
It could run really fast with those short little legs.
I realized then this was no friendly Waffle.
It was mean! It was rude! It really was awful!
It ran up to my bedroom on the second floor
and ignored the “Stay Out!” sign nailed to my door.
The Waffle opened my closet and pulled out my toys,
It bit giant holes in my best corduroys!
It messed up my room and un-made my bed.
It ate all my homework, and danced on my head.
From my room to my parent’s room, the Waffle scurried out.
“Now stop right there, you awful thing!” I began to shout.
It put shaving cream in Dad’s favorite hat,
then wrapped toilet paper around the cat!
It tied giant knots in Mom’s best pantyhose!
Then stuck it’s Waffle toes right into my nose!
I chased it all around the place,
but the Waffle slid down the back staircase.
I almost caught that Waffle, but I must have been too slow.
It ran between my legs and opened up the kitchen window.
The Waffle gave an awful laugh and leaped out into the night.
It turned and winked it’s awful eye, then vanished from my sight.
I knew I was in trouble when my parents walked into the room.
They saw the mess and grounded me, then handed me a broom.
No one believes an Awful Waffle could have made this mess,
or stuck Dad’s stamp collection on my sister’s favorite dress.
Or filled the Mom’s saxophone with shampoo.
Or taught the fish to play kazoo.
But now I’ve learned my lesson, I’ll never make the same mistakes.
Next time I fix my dinner, I’m gonna stick to pancakes.